Let Me Be the One
by Monday1113
Summary: Kai wants to fix Cole after he was sexually assaulted a few weeks ago, but doesn't quite know how. Lavashipping. Mentions of Rape and self harm(but it's not cutting).


**I wanted to try writing some Lava Shipping for once, mainly because I do ship it, just not as much as I ship GreenFlame.**

**So yes, mentions of past Sexual assault/rape, Hurt/Comfort. Definitely vague on details.**

* * *

_Let me be the one who will pick you up, _

_Dust you off when you fall asleep._

_Let me be the one who will hold you close,_

_And let this be the promise that I keep._

* * *

I'm woken up by a hit to the face. It's wasn't on purpose. I know that for sure.

He's thrashing in his sleep again, arms flailing madly, legs trapped by his bed-sheets. He's crying too. Climbing into bed next to him, I brace myself, wrapping one arm around him. His arms are no longer able to flail about. Raking his sweat soaked black hair out of his face, and whispering softly.

"Shhh, Cole, calm down. It's okay. It's all a dream. You're dreaming." Slowly, his breathing and crying seemed to even out. Wiping away his tears, I closed my eyes, still holding him close.

He stirred, twisting a little in my gentle hold. He squirmed out of my arms, scooting over to the edge of the bed, slipping from between the covers.

It didn't take long for me to hear the sound of the shower turning on. He always did. It was part of his way of coping. Scrubbing himself raw with scorching hot water. I wanted to cringe. I wanted to run in there and turn the water temperature down. _'The water heater's already set lower than normal. It won't burn him.' _My mind supplied me with false comfort. Even though it wouldn't be super hot, nothing would stop him from rubbing his skin raw. _  
_

Sighing, I rolled over, looking at the clock. Bright blue numbers told me it was a little past three in the morning. Too early for me to even try faking a reason to be up. Kicking the blanket off of my body, I went over towards the window, opening it just enough so I could get some fresh air. It was biting cold to me, but to the others, it probably would just feel a little chilly.

Well, everyone but Cole.

The way his skin was always scrubbed raw, it led to any cool breeze stinging on the open wounds.

The shower stopped, and I quickly closed the window, and climbed back into bed.

Cole's wet hair against my bare chest woke me up a little. "Hey," I mumbled, careful not to startle him. "Remind me that I have something to share with you tomorrow."

"Mmmmkay." He whispered, scooting to the other side of the bed, not stopping until he was an inch away from falling off the side.

Laying there, I waited until his breathing evened out. As soon as it did, I grabbed the notebook I had hidden behind our dresser, and grabbed a pen. Walking out onto the fire escape, I opened up the book, humming as I tapped the pen on the paper.

_Let me be the one who will keep you strong,_

_Be your rock, just for a while._

_Let me be the one who will wipe your tears,_

_As I hold you, through times of trial._

With the dim moonlight, I scratched the words down, keeping my ears open to make sure Cole stayed asleep. He needed to rest right now, not thrash around in his sleep because of nightmares. The last time he had ever slept through the night was weeks ago, the night before he was attacked.

I was the one who had found him, he had walked back from his dad's house, having left the bus stop to make it back to our apartment. He hadn't told me everything that had happened, but I didn't need him to. His nightmares, his shouting, his face, eyes especially, told me everything I needed to know.

His eyes were the windows to his soul, richly colored, somewhere between mossy green, and a dark brown, whichever color was dominant, I didn't know. It depended on the time of day, and how he was emotionally. Lately, their kaleidoscope coloring was mostly brown.

All I wanted to do was kiss his pain away, but I couldn't even do that. I haven't been able to kiss him since his attack. He won't let me. We've made strides of progress to get back to normalcy, but I know it will never be the same.

That day when he sat down next to me on the couch, curling up next to me before breaking down in tears about never getting to give himself to someone he loved broke my heart. When he first moved in with me, he sat me down, and said that just because we lived together didn't mean he wanted to have sex. I understood that, and I never pressured him. He told me it was because he wanted his first time to be special. He wanted it to be with a person he was sure loved him back just as much as he loved them, and in his head, he was now ruined. His romantic, first time fantasy, complete with candles was never going to get to happen as far as he was concerned.

The police were also completely shit at their job, unable to do anything without proof that he was actually raped. the doctors had given them the results of the rape kit, and they handed them back, saying that there was pretty much nothing they could do. Bringing the attackers to justice was something I had hoped would help him, and they can't even do anything against it.

He started mumbling again, snapping me from my thoughts. The pen tumbled from my hand, slipping through the platform I sat on, landing on the ground three floors below. Getting up, I closed the book, hiding it back in its special place. Climbing in under the covers, I felt Cole scoot towards me, curling up close to me.

This was the side of Cole I missed. His cheerful, cuddly self that only came out when we were watching movies together. This is the side that only came out when he was having good dreams, or when he wasn't dreaming at all in his sleep, just sort of floating in his subconscious.

With the time before he would scoot away from my touch fleeting by the second, I closed my eyes, letting a smile slid on, enjoying the way his body felt completely relaxed as he curled up next to me. Life is too short to not enjoy the little moments.

* * *

**So yeah. Here. My first ever attempt at Lava shipping.**

**I do have some really weird head canons for Lavashipping on Cole's part. The whole super romantic, candles and all first time being one of them. As in, Cole wouldn't want it to be just quick prep and fuck after a sloppy makeout session, but he'd want it to be super tender and fluffy and romantic. *In my mind, Kai can be a romantic gentleman when he wants to.***

**Reviews to feed my soul? I need reviews like Ryuk needs Apples (well, not to that extent, but it's a pretty fair representation of my need for feedback)**


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